SHE IS FINALLY HERE!!!
I wanted to share this as my first post as I feel like this new chapter of my life is bringing about so many changes. I think I might not have been quite ready before to truly dedicate what I should to this blog. Yes, having a baby does take up a lot of my time but when she sleeps, I can sneak away and here I am.
Here is how our little Kaylee girl made her grand entrance into this world. Please enjoy my very honest and candid story about her arrival.
It all started with what I thought was gas. I had been patiently waiting all week for something different, a feeling, something that would tell me that baby girl was coming. I had been feeling pretty gassy for a few weeks so I just figured that’s what it was. But this was a little different. It came in waves and only lasted a few seconds. I started jotting down the times and the length, just in case it was the beginning of labour.
After talking with my mom and sister, I decided to call my friend Jackie, nurse and mama to 8 month old Leo. She was quick to confirm that this was early labour, with very mild contractions. This was it, the moment we had been waiting for all these months. We were finally in the home stretch. We were finally going to get to meet our baby girl.
The afternoon continued pretty uneventfully, the contractions continued but were very mild and very tolerable. It pretty much continued that way until about 2:30am on Saturday morning. They had started waking me up because the intensity was starting to increase. I continued to write them down (when I wasn’t too sleepy to remember). Then things got very real at about 4:30am. This time around, I was having to breathe through the contractions to deal with them. At this point, David woke up with me and downloaded an app that would track the duration of each contraction and how long in between. It even had the option of pain level (green, yellow and red). At 5am, we realized they were starting to be very frequent, like every 3-5 minutes, so I called the birthing center of the hospital to ask what’s my next step. They told me, once the contractions are between 2-5 minutes for a consecutive 2hour window, then you come to the birthing center. I was staring at the clock, whenever I wasn’t having a contraction to see the time go by, wishing it would go by faster. In my mind, the faster that two hour mark, the faster we get to see our baby, and the faster the delivery part is done.
When that two hour mark hit, I was on the phone again to the birthing center, wanting to confirm we are good to come in. The nurse told me yes, you are good to go, come on down. I felt like a contestant on the Price is Right, except I was winning the ultimate prize! We finally got to the hospital around 7:15. We spoke with my sister and my mother in law on the way to the hospital. While the contractions were happening, I was silent, I couldn’t talk or even think of anything else but getting through the next minute.
Walking through the parking lot was a bit of a struggle, stopping every few steps to let the contractions pass, but all I kept thinking was this is not the worst of it yet. I tried to encourage myself as much as I could and tried to keep calm. All that was going through my head was once I start panicking or losing that calmness, things were just going to get worse. I needed to keep myself in control of my emotions. I just kept hearing my mom telling me, when you start to scream and panic you lose control and then its that much harder to get it back. That helped get me into the hospital and up to the birthing center.
The next scary thing for me, was the idea of the COVID swab. Yes, yes, I know, in the grand scheme of things that should have been the least of my worries. But the idea of getting a q-tip shoved up my nose and down the back of my throat was not appealing. When we got to the birthing center, they had us both fill out a form for COVID. No mention of the swab at this point, so I was thinking maybe I am getting lucky and won’t have to have it done. We were brought into a triage room where a resident came and completed the internal exam. At this point I was 4cm dilated (I was disappointed because I thought all those contractions and that’s it? Only 4cm? Both David and I thought I would have at least been at 6cm, but then again, first time parents, we have no idea what to expect and how this labour process works).
Once that was done, the sweetest nurse, Ingrid came to get me from the triage room. Then we were off to our room for the delivery. Once we got in, Ingrid started prepping me for the IV..another thing I absolutely hate. Thankfully this one was not in the hand. Again, no mention of the swab so I was thinking I was in the clear (YAY). She was truly the nicest nurse, so encouraging and kind. She brought us a birthing ball after I told her my plan was to have as natural a birth as possible. I had no intention of asking for the epidural. I told her I am made to do this and that is what I am hoping to do. She was very encouraging and helpful when the contractions started. She also brought us some warm compresses. Throughout all this time, David was being a rock, helping me however he could, whether it was just holding the compress on my back, holding my hand or just letting me lean on him.
Then it happened, Ingrid came in and said she would have to be the cause of discomfort. And then I saw it, that dreadful q-tip that was going to violate my nostril. I looked up at her and told her I thought I was being saved from doing it. But unfortunately for me this was clearly not the case. David held my hand and I leaned back and she completed the swab. It was honestly not as bad as I had hyped it up to be. It lasted about 10 seconds and it was done. No lasting pain or anything. Again I also told myself this swab is a walk in the park compared to the pain coming later. They told us we would get the results in 4-6 hours so that was reassuring.
Contractions continued and were slowly intensifying and growing closer and closer. By 10:30am, the resident doctor came and told me they were going to break my water. I knew that after this crucial step, things were going to get more serious. The contractions were going to up their game. So here came this sweet looking young blonde doctor with what looked like a huge crochet hook ready to break my water. She assured me all I would feel is pressure similar to the internal exam and then I would feel a gush of fluid. The breaking part did not hurt at all, but the gush of fluid was very much that, a gush. It felt like a tsunami of warm liquid just covering my down under area. I was so very thankful that my water didn’t break at home, that would have been a lot of liquid to clean. Once the majority was out, they told me baby girl had pooped so there was meconium in the water. They put piquets under me and between my legs since more fluid was bound to come out. Every time I moved, I would feel more come. I realized just what all that looked like when I went to the bathroom, and again, wow I am so thankful that didn’t happen at home. I would have most definitely have wanted to throw out my whole bed.
They were definitely not kidding when they said contractions would intensify once they broke my water. The interval between contractions remained the same although there were a few that happened quite close together like not even a minute apart. But the intensity, I don’t have the words. Everyone has said that contractions feel like really bad menstrual cramps. I wouldn’t describe it as menstrual cramps. I’ve had stomach spasms before where you feel like someone is squeezing your insides with all they’ve got. That’s what it felt like for me, only about 100 times worse. At this point, I tried sitting on the birthing ball, had the warm compress on my back but all that combined with breathing through the contractions just wasn’t working. About two hours after they broke my water, I caved. I looked at David and just said it hurts too much I can’t do this. I felt like there was no way I would be able to get through the rest of these contractions let alone the delivery.
Our nurse Ingrid was in the room and told me my options. She said she can give me Fentanyl via the IV I already had plugged in but that would only take the edge off, it wouldn’t actually stop or decrease the pain. She also said it would only be good for a small period of time and she can only a certain amount of doses. She didn’t recommend it as from her experience it doesn’t really help.
There I was facing the decision I was hoping I would not have to make: to take or not take the epidural. The words the resident had spoken a few hours before kept resonating in my head: you might still be in labour for 2 hours or 12 hours we really have no way of knowing. Combine that with the pain and the extreme fatigue I was feeling, I told Ingrid that I wanted the epidural. She told me the anesthesiologist was in another room and that he would be in to see me after to start the process. I kept apologizing to David as though I made this big mistake, as though he would be super disappointed in me for not sticking to our plan. All he kept telling me was that I didn’t have anything to apologize for, that this was the right decision for me and I had to listen to my body. He was right. No one can dictate to you what you should do or not do when it comes time to your body. No one else is in your skin, no one knows your pain. Its okay to say I need the extra help to get through the next steps.
I was so nervous about the needle going into my back. I didn’t want to see what was happening or what was going to be used. I just wanted it to get done and start kicking in. The whole epidural part is a bit of a blur to be honest. I think I was just so exhausted at that point. All I remember is sitting on the edge of the bed, David was rubbing my legs as I held onto the pillow. The pain I thought I would experience was more of a pressure and then some kind of pulsation throughout my back. It was really not as bad as I thought it would be. I guess considering the contractions, this was a walk in the park. Once my back was all taped up, they had me lay down on my side, so the medication can start working its magic. I then started to feel the numbing sensation. They left me for a little while and both David and I quickly fell asleep. Maybe a half hour later, the nurse came in to flip me to my other side. Once on my other side, I quickly fell asleep again. This was probably what saved me, I didn’t know it at the time, but it was going to give me the energy I would need to get through the delivery.
I woke up probably an hour later, with this intense pressure in my backside. I maintained from the beginning that I knew there was a possibility of pooping while delivering. That idea did not bother or scare me. I am definitely not one who worries about this stuff. I really hope that I can transmit this to my daughter. I don’t want her to ever be one of those people who cannot go in public places, or anywhere other than home. Anyway, that is another story. So back to the pressure in my bum. A nurse finally came to see how everything was going and I mentioned to her that I was feeling the pressure. She assured me it was normal and that once Ingrid would be back from her lunch break, she would insert the catheter and would do an internal exam to see how far along I was in the dilation process. I was being a little insistent (which is not like me at all) seeing as this pressure was not really going away. She asked if it was constant and I told her yes, I was not really feeling any relief. It wasn’t like the contractions, at least not at that point. My insistance worked, she came back maybe 10 minutes later with one of the residents to perform an internal exam. To my disappointment, I was only dilated 6cm. All that pain and only 2 extra centimetres? I was feeling deflated to say the least. I was hoping that all the pressure meant we were that much closer to meeting our daughter.
The pressure continued for another hour with a more pressing sensation. It started to feel like something was coming. Again, I was unsure of what exactly “it” was. Thankfully, Ingrid came back from her lunch and it was time for the catheter and another internal exam. She assured me as well that the pressure was totally normal and that it meant our little girl was making her way down the canal. Once she inserted the catheter, she checked me and I was at 9cm! That was amazing news. I had dilated 3 cm in one hour. That had to mean I was getting close. THANK GOD, I was. Ingrid told us we would be getting ready for the delivery fairly quickly.
Now the pressure was on (no pun intended). It was getting more and more intense as the contractions continued. It wasn’t so much painful as it was nerve wracking. Each contraction made it feel like I was the one pushing. I started to freak out with each contraction. I would be telling David quite nervously that it was pushing. After being told not to push and feeling that pressure, all I could think was that I was the one pushing. I just kept repeating to David, I want Ingrid to come back, I want the team here now. My loving husband went out to the nurses station and asked that someone come see me. When Ingrid came back she finally gave us the news we were impatiently waiting for. She told us that it was time to get things ready for the delivery. I needed to prepare myself for the hardest part of the day. The next 15-20 minutes felt like hours, waiting for the team to come to our room for the delivery.
It was about 16:10 when the doctor and Ingrid were back in our room and we were ready to start pushing. It seemed so much longer than what it really was. I don’t know if it was me just wanting it to be over, or if it was my excitement to meet my daughter either way, what seemed like forever, was actually only about 45 minutes. Ingrid was on my left and David on my right. The resident who was going to be delivering me was right in the action shot. David was holding my head up so that I could get as much pushing capabilities as I could. My legs were in those stirrups and my hands were clutching onto the bars at the edge of the bed. With every contraction, which Ingrid felt coming, they had me take a huge breath and push with everything that I had. The best way to explain how the pushing felt, is pushing for a poop. That’s what it felt like, having the biggest poop of my life. I know this is TMI for some but at that point, the amount of people who had seen my naked body with all the fluids coming out, the idea of possibly pooping was the least of my worries. Thankfully, I did not. Every contraction gave me three big pushes. With each push, Ingrid and the other ladies in the room would be so encouraging that I thought it was it, that she was finally out. That wasn’t quite the case. Each encouraging word gave me a little more power to push, but don’t get me wrong, I was so ready for my baby to finally be out. As I kept pushing, the doctor started to tell me that she was trying to massage my skin to help with getting the baby out. She asked me if I was okay with them making a small incision, explaining that it would help get baby girl out quicker. With absolute no hesitation, I yelled out yes, go for it, just cut. What is funny, is that getting cut and then the stitches is one fo the things that I was most scared of before being pregnant. I kept thinking how much that would hurt. In the grand scheme of things, this should have been the least of my worries. Once I was cut, a few more pushes and that was it. She was finally here. They put her on my chest and it was probably the absolute most wonderful moment of my life.
Writing this just made me relive this beautiful moment all over again. It was just the most special feeling meeting our daughter for the first time. It was love at first sight. We are so very blessed to be living this adventure and we cannot wait to see what else life has in store for us with this little bundle by our side.
